After the very recent tragic shootings at Sandy Hook school, I've been asked very good questions about mental health issues. Trauma is something that affects many of us. The closer in we are to an experience, the more likely we are to have trauma symptoms. But even people who are very far from Sandy Hook may find themselves feeling traumatized for weeks following. But for the families hit hardest, they will experience this for their lifetime.
Trauma symptoms can appear and then go into remission and then reappear. Traumatic events are quite severe on impact and it is , as I have learned from my own journey, unrealistic to expect the trauma to completely leave you. It is more common to experience remission and occasional flare ups. Recovery is about learning how to take care of yourself when you are feeling the symptoms. When we care for ourselves in the pain, we find ourselves very gradually getting relief and release from the symptoms.
Not everyone feels trauma immediately after a trauma. Children tend to feel the trauma many months after the event.
Adults tend to feel it much closer to the time of the trauma.
Trauma and grief are two things. Grieving can also last a long time. Sometimes we are impatient with grief and expect it to pass faster than it actually does. We also need to be very patient with trauma. Go slower. Let go of your expectations and demands on yourself when you are traumatized. There is nothing that you need to do. Nothing is required. Just slow down and don't be afraid of all the emotions. It is normal and terrifying to feel emotionally out of control. But that is what happens to us. One very normal trauma symptom is that we don't feel in control of our emotions. Our emotions are just wildly doing their own thing. Sudden crying, outbursts, feeling emotionally out of control is normal. Your emotional control will return, but it will take time. Lower the expectations and demands on you to give yourself room with the wildfire of feelings. Just give yourself more room to be with yourself.
I was asked a very interesting question about the mind of the shooter at Sandy Hook. Of course, I don't know him, but I can guess that he was very tormented and his mind filled with distortions. Someone wondered if he was in tremendous pain. I don't think he was feeling. If he was feeling, he would not have been able to do such an inhumane act. I can guess that it was the lack of feeling, the lack of empathy, that made him so dangerous.
Will gun control or violence elimination in entertainment, or mental health services be part of the solution? Yes, yes, and yes. I think we are at a loss about where to begin or how to begin. But we must face this unknown with a tangible plan. We can not ignore the things that are triggers to our own violence.
This shooter was not the only unfeeling person. We are numbing ourselves to violence and calling it entertainment. We are unnecessarily over arming our citizens and saying it is in the name of self-defense.
I understand that our national discussion or non discussion about gun control makes us sound crazy.
Unstable people can easily latch onto the crazy part of our culture.
I also think many many families are unable to find help or assistance when their kid is emotionally deteriorating.
There is such a stigma on needing mental health assistance and good help can be hard to find and very expensive. Many good therapists are booked far in advance. The higher need person may not be a good fit with the available therapist. The therapist may not have the right expertise. Some issues require a psychiatrist and finding an available psych with openings and in the local area can be impossible. I've watched families travel hours to get psychiatric help.
I just think there are many many ways we can each figure out which part of this issue we can make a difference on, which part is your part to get involved in? There is a great deal to do to honor and respect the horrible sacrifice of these children and their teachers and families.
It takes courage to do something, when we don't know what to do.